I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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