So drunk its hurt
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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