she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize