census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
