I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
