The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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