I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
