It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There r osticjed everywhere
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
