You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
