just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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