thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
