oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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