I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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