I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
