And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
