just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
