If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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