my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
