Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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