Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
