how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
