I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
