I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
