i may or may not be watching the land before time
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
