Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
