Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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