Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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