38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
