Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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