apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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