this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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