So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
