We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
