I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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