Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
