oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
