3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
