Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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