You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
