I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
