Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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