my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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