I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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