Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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