i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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