After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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