I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
