I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I bet he comes in French.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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