scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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