Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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