Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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