Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
