so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
