Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize