i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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