i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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