Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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