I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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