So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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