Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
