Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
