we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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