yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
