There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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